Sex Education For Couples
Is It Important?
Article bW
Note although their is no real couple named Joe and Sally as are spoken of below, yet what Joe and Sally are said to have experienced, has very much been experienced by marriage partners among conservative Mennonites.
Joe before getting married had never put much thought or study into the subject of sex. Joe in getting married to Sally largely thought sexual relations in marriage, were as simple a thing as sticking a key into a key hole. Sex was all new to Joe and he simply had no idea of what he didn't know about it. Joe was not aware of the very special bonding and mutual joys that can and should be experienced in the sex relation. Joe neither had any idea of what was involved in attaining mutual sexual satisfaction as for both him and Sally. bW-1
When Joe spoke to his minister shortly before his wedding, as Joe remembers the minister told him that wives often times don't enjoy sex. Joe is quite certain that the minister did not then particularly or strongly emphasize that wives should enjoy sex. The minister did not tell Joe that wives need to learn how to reach orgasm to make matrimonial love complete as God wondrously designed. As Joe remembers very few sexual instructions were given besides speaking about birth control issues. Joe after speaking to the minister might have felt it is quite normal for wives to not enjoy sex and might have expected such. In Joe's ignorance the minister was too right and his wife Sally too often did not enjoy sex. Sally although possibly reaching only a partial orgasm just a few times after they were married, soon gave up trying for it, because she couldn't reach it, and for possibly 10 years or more thereafter never reached any orgasm. Sally too often felt sex was something she needed to submit to rather than being a blessing. She mentioned to Joe that cows do run away from the bull. bW-2
At the time of their wedding, Sally also was very ignorant about sexual things and more ignorant even than Joe. As Joe and Sally remember no good books or literature was ever recommended to either them, by parents, church, or friends on the subject, and they were supposed to know enough by what they might have happened to hear and read while growing up and by instinct. From childhood on Joe and Sally were taught against sexual things by their parents and church, yet in getting married they were not taught how to now relate to sexual matters as can and should be done by the married. bW-3
Having always been taught against sex, new couples can easily have quite negative ideas about sexual issues, and without further instruction likely will know nothing about sexual liberties in marriage, or sexual methods which can help both husbands and wives experience proper satisfaction. Young couples might have the subconscious feeling that sex is something for reproduction that God barely allows for enjoyment. They might feel sex is something to avoid when possible, and something they should not spend too much time with, or put too much effort into because it is somewhat of a shameful thing. Thus the wife who requires more time, effort, and skill to reach orgasm might never learn what God designed sex to be for her, and couples not even experience what God has intended sex to be for them. bW-4
The writer knowing of marriage partners that experienced exactly what Joe and Sally are said to have experienced and knowing of numerous situations of sexual ignorance, is quite grieved at how little teaching some Christians and churches give to their couples about sexual relations in marriage. The writer and his wife, like others neither received proper sexual education when they got married. Possibly many parents and grandparents are also in ignorance. Just because something is conservative and different, does not necessarily mean it is good and Holy. The Catholic Church in a man made conservatism regarding sexual issues, disallows marriage among their clergy, even though numerous Apostles were married, and 1 Tim 4:3 expressly reproves forbidding marriage. bW-5
May Christians consider that our God of love and the designer of sex itself, very much wants His creation to be blest in that intimate relation He has created for them and experience the ravishment and love that He intended for them. Throughout Bible history marriages were very special occasions because it entitled the young couple to now experience a special blessing, which too many couples because of ignorance then do not even properly experience! A vital purpose of God's many sex laws as in the Bible is to protect and preserve good sex in marriage, rather than to portray sex as a negative and unholy thing. Proverbs 5:18-19 reading about sexual things reads; "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. {19} Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." God wants husbands to be ravished with their wives, and very much wants both husbands and wives to be pleased and satisfied in their sexual relations. bW-6
Although God clearly has restrictions with regards to sexual matters, Christians need to be careful lest they disallow what God intended for his creation to enjoy in marriage. One should consider that if sex had nothing to do with reproduction, and was just a newly discovered experience, and the Bible gave no particular permission for this ravishing and sensational thing, it is quite likely that many conservative Christians in seeing the problems misused and perverted sex creates, would disallow sex altogether. May we not be guilty of trying to establish our own righteousness rather than being in submission to God's righteousness (Romans 10:3). God does not want man to disallow sex, but God rather wants mankind to use sex right, and wants couples to be thrilled with each other in the sex act and be bound together with strong sexual and physical desires. bW-7
Joe after being married, might have had more sexual drive than some husbands. Joe's sexual desires which were much aroused by seeing and being with Sally, rather than being a blessing to him too often were very difficult for him. Joe felt the only lawful way to release his sexual pressures was to have normal vaginal sexual contact with his wife, while too often his wife simply did not want it or it didn't suit. Although Joe could have found release and satisfaction by simply firmly embracing his wife with a slight movement, yet Joe instead simply bore the pain of having a burning desire and yet refraining from doing anything to release it. bW-8
Joe yet was not absolutely sure that experiencing orgasm by embracing his wife without having normal vaginal contact would be a sin, thus to make sure it was unlawful, Joe in sort of timid way asked his minister about this. Joe asked his minister about this in the way of largely already knowing or admitting it to be a sin, and likely made his minister feel sort of compelled to confirm his view that such orgasm with his wife would be sin, thus the minister told him yes such would be like masturbation. Possibly if Joe had asked differently he would have gotten a different answer. bW-9
Joe in his ignorance also likely would have thought helping his wife reach orgasm through hand stimulation of her clitoris would have been like masturbation, had he even known such sexual stimulation for his wife was possible. Thus Joe would not have tried any other way of sexual stimulation than normal vaginal contact. In Joe's ignorance his wife simply could never reach orgasm. Joe and his wife neither had any teaching on different bodily positions that also can be helpful to the wife in reaching orgasm. Note with regards to manual stimulation of the clitoris, in a survey involving 3000 couples, around 45% of the couples in the survey incorporated hand stimulation of the wife's clitoris to help her reach orgasm in love making. Such stimulation is often needed and often is an important part of normal sex. bW-10
It is not a insignificant matter for a wife to not be able to attain orgasm, since some women who try to reach orgasm and cannot, actually experience a special discomfort rather than a pleasurable release. Dr Ed Wheat who has a very good book on this subject writes "Not only is the wife denied the feeling of sexual release in orgasm, but she may also have acute and chronic physical pain stemming from congestion of her pelvic organs, engorged with blood that is normally released with orgasm." (Intended for Pleasure, Page 94, Note page 120 says much the same thing in a more detailed manner). Thus some women who diligently try for orgasm but cannot reach it, might simply find discomfort instead of ravishment and enjoyment. Thus the wife who cannot reach orgasm might not want to try for orgasm, might not want to become sexually aroused and likely has little desire for physical and sexual love. It is very sad that many Christians light heartedly tease their boys and girls about liking each other, and when they get married don't even teach them how to make this love a blessing as God designed it could and should be! It also is disappointing that Christians often talk and boast of such a deepening and growing love in marriage and yet so many are so ignorant about sexual things and unaffectionate in the bedroom or else where. And it is also sad that many Christian Churches do not seem to know or teach their people a better way. Although religious people often condemn sexual sins very strongly, why is it that they then do very little teaching as to what proper sex can be and should be? bW-11
When one's wife cannot reach a proper orgasm and sexual relations are meaningless to her, there simply cannot be a strong and proper natural love. Those who believe in John Holdeman should consider that he speaking of love in marriage wrote, "Where there is no strong natural love, there is no divine wedlock." and said "I am moved to tears when I consider how harmoniously, lovingly and peaceably husband and wife should live together, and yet often live in such discord." (Mirror of Truth, Page 402 & 407). When a couple has a strong physical and sexual love for each other, it very much draws them together and helps them live in peace and unity. Yet when physical and sexual love is lacking in a couple, it results in a cold and mechanical relation, and opens the way for discord, and much needless strife. When a husband is truly ravished by, and is in real love with his wife as he could and should be, it makes him in love with his whole family! It tends to make him in love with life and every thing about it. Dr. Ed Wheat writes, "How ironic that couples search for all manner of recreation elsewhere, never having discovered the fullness of pleasure available to them in their own bedroom. The Christian couple who have experienced this fullness will praise God together for what He has provided for them!" (Intended for Pleasure, Page 262). As possibly many couples do not realize the blessing and pleasure matrimonial and sexual love can be, and what God intended it to be, how can they imagine the intimate relation that God has designed between the bridegroom Christ and His bride the church? bW-12
Some how after Joe and Sally were married about 12 years they got an advertisement for a book about sexual things which seemed like it should be okay, which they bought. This book did help them out significantly, and Sally learned to reach orgasm with the help of mechanical vibrations. Note although their likely is better ways for wives to reach orgasm than using mechanical vibrations I strongly feel such is better than not reaching orgasm at all. Such book although having several good points was still quite lacking in Joe's opinion. Around 20 years after Joe and Sally were married Joe found several very good books on the sex subject which Joe thinks had he gotten for a wedding gift would have been a much more valuable wedding gift than all the other gifts combined, and especially if both Sally and him would have been encouraged to read them by someone they had confidence in. bW-13
Although good sexual books alone can do much good, yet it is also very helpful if the couple is assured by their parents or church that the book is good and holds very important information for their married life. If the couple has no encouragement and teaching concerning these things from those they have confidence in, they might not think it important to learn about sexual things and to read a good sexual book even if it was given to them. bW-14
Possibly many wives, like Sally, were never taught about sexual things. Concerning Sally and likely many wives, it would be much better if they were taught sexual things from a good source other than their own husband, as they might not have much confidence in their husbands and think their husbands are erroneous in their sexual desires and views. What Joe now says about his wife Sally is not all Sally's fault, since it significantly stems to her lack of teaching. Sally often did not enjoy sex. Joe's affections often were mostly a nuisance to her. She was almost always tired when they went to bed and did not want to be bothered. Bed was a time for sleep and rest and for as little else as possible. After going to bed she did not want to roll over sit up or do anything that took any physical effort. Although Sally in being like those around her put much emphasis and effort in dressing attractively in public and bought and made very nice curtains and blankets etc to make Joe and her bedroom very beautiful, she basically did nothing special to please Joe's sexual eyes in the bedroom. Joe after going to bed often wanted to see Sally in her simple and basic lingerie garments, but Sally always wore a night gown to bed and didn't want to take it off. She might partially take in off, but to take it the whole way off simply took too much needless effort. Joe would accidentally see glimpses of how beautiful women's bodies can be in special lingerie, in photos which photos he dared not look at, yet Joe could not see that vivid beauty in the bedroom or anywhere. bW-15
Joe being quite unsatisfied sexually and being hungry for feminine beauty was very sensitive to photos of feminine beauty and would turn over any photo of beautiful women even if modestly dressed because it pulled on his eyes. Joe could not allow himself to even look at photos of cute younger girls possibly 10 years old even if modestly dressed, because it did give him sort of a thrill to look at the photo. Joe once got a glimpse of a particular photo of vivid feminine beauty which had tremendous pull on his eyes, but he dared not look. Joe then remembered several Scriptures that speak of God giving his children the desire of his heart and thought that possibly Sally could try to position and display herself as did the woman in this photo, in his bedroom. Yet Sally felt no need to try to please Joe's eyes, had no desire to do so, and got very very upset about this, yet in great anger she tried to submit. Sally made it terrible painful for Joe while she also was missing a great blessing. bW-16
How many other couples have similar struggles largely because the wife has never been properly taught about sexual things? How many marriages have dissolved because of similar problems and the husband turned to unlawful sexual satisfaction because of such things. And how many marriages which might appear fine on the outside are secretly in difficulty and pain because of such things rather than the couple experiencing that ravishment and pleasure God has intended for them to enjoy. Joe is very thankful that God has significantly changed their marriage to the better. bW-17
Nothing on earth is nearly as alluring and pleasing to man's eyes as the beauty of a woman particularly prepared to be as attractive as possible. This special beauty does not take much clothes, or jewelry, although just a little bit of clothes and the right clothes can do wonders. Song of Solomon 4:1-11, 7:1-10 soberly and vividly speaks about this beauty. This thrilling beauty, most wives can quite nicely provide for their husbands in the bedroom if they really wanted to and had a little know how. God created woman both beautiful and to bless man, and God very much desires to bless Christian husbands with the privilege to admire the special beauty He has given to woman, and which beauty wives can splendidly provide and express. Yet how many Christian husbands are unduly tempted by the many alluring feminine photos around us and largely starved to see that splendid feminine beauty largely because his wife thinks such is unimportant and does little or nothing to provide it? Some wives might even think such portrayal of themselves to their husbands in the bedroom is sinful. bW-18
Some Christians might say feminine beauty should be meaningless to the Christian, since Proverbs 31 speaks of the great importance of virtue and of women's beauty being vain. It is true that having a virtuous wife is far more important than having the most beautiful wife, yet a virtuous wife will try to appear attractive to her husband when she sees it pleases him. Concerning the less beautiful wife (who yet is virtuous), it is very possible that she because of her thoughtfulness will often present herself more beautiful to her husband than the more beautiful wife who lacks virtue and is careless about her husbands desires. Although beauty without virtue is vain, yet one should realize that Solomon speaking of the virtuous woman said she clothes herself and her children in scarlet, silk, and purple (Pro 31:21-22)! To speak bluntly if feminine beauty was totally vain, one should have no care at all about how his wife looks. His wife could have a very hairy chin, teeth sticking straight out, be tremendously overweight and barely look like a woman or even like a human being and it simply should make her husband no difference. Remember if beauty is altogether vain. Many Scriptures particularly speak of beautiful and fair women, which clearly reveals feminine beauty was noticed throughout Biblical history. Note another article coded bU and entitled "Beauty and Intimacy" speaks much more of the issue of feminine appearance. bW-18.5
Although possibly many couples do not have the sexual relation they could or should have, yet it is nice that in a particular survey a large percentage of the couples felt their sexual relations were satisfactory and above average. Even if a couples sexual relations are not what they could or should be, if the couple is satisfied and think their relations are okay such in one respect is very good. Yet likely one reason so many couples think their intimate relations to be satisfactory or better than average is simply because of man's tendency to think themselves somewhat above average. Yet even at such, insofar it is very good if couples feel satisfied. Yet possibly many couples to some extent share Joe and Sally's ignorance and don't really know what they have missed or our missing in their intimate relations. The writer knows of several couples that have had no sexual relations for several years while yet it appears even they did not think their marriage relations were too bad. Numerous surveys have shown that very many couples do not experience what they could or should in their sexual relations. bW-19
It is true that eternal things are more important than an earthly enjoyment, such as sex might be considered to be. Yet one must consider that although sex in one respect is an earthly thing that ignorance about it can very much result in needless marriage difficulties and temptation and lead to adultery which sin does make an eternal difference. Although the earthly aspect of sex is not as important as eternal things, one should yet consider that Christian life not only holds blessings for eternity but even holds blessing for the life that now is (Mark 10:30, 1 Tim 4:8)! Godly sex is neither only an earthly pleasure, it is a expression of love that our God of love has designed! It bonds, warms, encourages, strengthens, and fills one with thankfulness at what our great creator has provided. Sex although scarcely talked about in our social circles and society, likely is one on the most powerful forces on earth. When sex is in God's plan it's power does much good, creating happy secure families, when it is outside of God's plan it's power does much evil resulting in much trouble, anxiety, and many grievous crimes. bW-20
Some likely will advocate sexual education is not so important, rather than admit any error in their church's teaching plan, and make any improvement. Some might claim that Adam and Eve had no education on the subject of sex. Yet do we know what God taught Adam and Eve while He walked with them in the cool of the day? We neither know the sexual knowledge Adam and Eve might have shared with their children when their children took to themselves mates. Nor do we know what sexual knowledge the Jews might have passed on to their children as they took to themselves husbands and wives. Although the Bible does not give explicit instructions on how husbands and wives should go about providing each other with sexual fulfillment, the Bible does clearly teach husbands and wives to not defraud each other with regards to sexual satisfaction involving orgasm (1 Cor 7:5). Considering that the Bible explicitly teaches mates to provide each other with sexual satisfaction, it also is important that Christians and churches teach their married couples how to provide one another with this satisfaction, regarding their first days together and in the various situations and complications they might encounter in life! Parents, schools, and churches, spend a lot of time and money teaching their young people about many things that are not near as important as teaching the married how to attain a good and satisfactory sex life. Why is it? It is quite clear that in various cultures in history, couples were given more sexual education than some or many couples are given in our day. bW-21
The Bible often advocates that husbands and wives should love and care for their mates. Thus the church has a vital responsibility to teach the married how to love and care for their mates. If the church and parents in teaching the newly married to love each other do not teach them meaningfully about sexual relations they have greatly failed to teach them how to love and care for each other. Some might claim the Bible is sufficient and for that reason alone Christians do not need to teach couples anything further about sex. Although the Bible obviously is most important, God yet desires His people to give further instructions as are needed with regards to the sex subject or any vital subject. bW-22
May no one take this writing lightly, the writer wiped many tears in writing this short article. If the writer would have no further sexual information to point the reader to, he would feel this short writing to be very unsatisfactory. Yet the writer is very thankful he can refer the reader to several very good books on this subject. I feel these books really should be read by all the married or those that are soon to be married, as they give much important information and instructions concerning marriage relations from a couple's wedding day, till their death, which information many of our parents might have wished for to bless their lives. bW-23
Dr Ed Wheat has a book called "Intended for Pleasure". This book gives vital sexual information for new couples, as well as vital information regarding various sexual complications couples might encounter later in life. Dr Wheat also has numerous other good books and cassettes available on the subject. Tim Lahaye has a good book titled "The Act of Marriage" which also includes very much good direction and includes reports on several sexual surveys. These writers strongly advocate sex only in marriage, and advocate those who participate in unlawful sexual activities, deprive themselves of the real blessing God has intended for them. It would be very ideal and blessed for couples to read in these books or listen to these cassettes shortly before their wedding and while on their after wedding vacation. These writers expose much sad sexual ignorance among couples, revealing many situations of ignorance similar to or greater than Joe and Sally's ignorance. bW-24
Although the Scriptures portray sex in marriage as a good and honorable relation, yet it is very very sad that very early in Christian history a powerful anti marriage and anti sex attitude crept into some or much of the Christian church. Sexual intimacy in marriage became considered a shameful relation. Various early writers, although allowing marriage, yet discouraged it and advocated that the sexual experience should only be had for the sake of sowing seed to produce offspring and otherwise abstinence should be practiced. Tertullian wrote the following, please read it carefully; bW-25
"Thus they have laid hold for themselves of an eternal gift of the Lord; and while on earth, by abstaining from marriage, are already counted as belonging to the angelic family. Training yourself to an emulation of (their) constancy by the examples of such women, you will by spiritual affection bury that fleshly concupiscence, in abolishing the temporal and fleeting desires of beauty and youth by the compensating gain of immortal blessings." (Ante Nicene Fathers Vol. 4, Page 82). "How many are there who from the moment of their baptism set the seal (of virginity) upon their flesh? How many, again, who by equal mutual consent cancel the debt of matrimony — voluntary eunuchs for the sake of their desire after the celestial kingdom! But if, while the marriage-tie is still intact, abstinence is endured, how much more when it has been undone!" (The Ante Nicene Fathers Vol. 4, Page 84). "The more their sex is eager and warm toward females, so much the more toil does the continence of (this) greater ardor involve; and therefore the worthier is it of all ostentation, if ostentation of virginity is dignity. For is not continence withal superior to virginity, whether it be the continence of the widowed, or of those who, by consent, have already renounced the common disgrace (which matrimony involves)?" (The Ante Nicene Fathers Vol. 4, Page 66). bW-26
Numerous early Christian writers not only confined sexual relations to creating offspring but also were very opposed to second marriages even if one's mate had died. Elders of the church for sure were not to remarry if their spouse died. Tertullian writes; "If we look deeply into his meanings, and interpret them, second marriage will have to be termed no other than a species of fornication. ... ...(since), moreover, to please by personal beauty and dress is the genius of carnal concupiscence, which again is the cause of fornication: pray, does second marriage seem to you to border upon fornication, since in it are detected those ingredients which are appropriate to fornication? (The Ante Nicene Fathers Vol. 4, Page 111). Athenagoras, who lived around the time of Tertullian (200 AD) also both disallowed second marriages and confined sex to reproductive purposes writing, "Therefore, having the hope of eternal life, we despise the things of this life, even to the pleasures of the soul, each of us reckoning her his wife whom he has married according to the laws laid down by us, and that only for the purpose of having children. For as the husbandman throwing the seed into the ground awaits the harvest, not sowing more upon it, so to us the procreation of children is the measure of our indulgence in appetite. ...that a person should either remain as he was born, or be content with one marriage; for a second marriage is only a specious adultery. ...For he who deprives himself of his first wife, even though she be dead, is a cloaked adulterer, resisting the hand of God, because in the beginning God made one man and one woman, and dissolving the strictest union of flesh with flesh, formed for the intercourse of the race". (The Ante-Nicene Fathers Vol. 2, Page 279). Many more similar writings could be given. bW-26.5
It is sad that many influential leaders in history portrayed sex as a base and shameful relation which is barely appropriate or allowable even in marriage. Augustine who largely formulated the doctrines of the Roman Catholic Church was of this frame of mind. The above negative attitude toward sex in due time resulted in that Catholic Priests may not marry as to this day! Queen Victoria of England who had much influence upon our world also considered sex to be quite a shameful and base thing. Such erroneous attitude is still exists among some in our time and has robbed many couples from the blessing God intended for them and has caused many needless problems in marriages. The above anti marriage and anti sex attitude must be recognized as erroneous and false. One particular couple Dr. Ed Wheat writes about, because of the wife being influenced to shame and despise sex, had many difficulties in their marriage and were about to divorce, yet after she learned how God actually created sex as a good thing to be freely enjoyed, she and her husband fell into each others arms weeping and were bonded in a new way (Love Life, Page 82-83). Many couples found a new dimension in their marriage after they placed more emphasis upon their sexual relation and learned sexual skills and behaviour which provided them with intended and proper sexual fulfillment. Apostle Paul and very rightly prophesied that in "...latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; ...Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." (1 Tim 4:1&3). The erroneous spirit which disallows marriage, will not only want to disallow marriage, but will also want to dishonor, restrain, and pain sex in marriage. Oh the tremendous pain that this false anti marriage and anti sex in marriage teaching has brought upon a large portion of the whole world and for so many years! bW-27
Although numerous early Christian writers were very negative about marriage and sexual relations in marriage, yet it clearly was not so among God's people in old times. Numerous Scriptures both in the Old and New Testament era speak of sex in marriage as a good and honorable relation. Hebrews 13:4 reads, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled". Prov 18:22 reads "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." Apostle Paul after speaking about the physical members of our body such as our hands, feet, eyes, ears, nose, then continues on and says, "And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. {24} For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:" (1 Cor 12:23-24). May God help us to bestow the greater honor upon the less honourable members of our bodies as He intends us to. Proverbs 5:18-19 concerning this subject reads, "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. {19} Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." Other Scriptures which very much portray marriage and the sex relation therein as a good and honorable relation are Gen 2:18, Sam 12:8, Eccl 9:9, 1 Cor 7:2-5, Song 4:1-11, 7:1-10, Matt 19:4-6. bW-28
V One should consider, if sex in marriage were only allowable for the sake or reproduction (as various early writers advocated), and couples would thus need to honestly and intelligently try to make all sexual experiences cause conception and then stop at that, marriage would only give liberty for sexual fulfillment a few times for each child. If sex in marriage was only permissible for reproduction, sex to a very large extent would not even be permitted in marriage, while being married and being with the one you love would only increase one's desire for what he cannot have! How much better it would be to stay far away from marriage and woman and any thoughts about such, than to marry and basically never be allowed to fully love the one you married! If marriage would only permit complete intimacy a few times for each child (as various early writers taught), marriage would basically give no sexual freedom and merely increase one's desire for what he cannot have and Apostle Paul instead of saying it is better to marry than to burn should have said it is better to be unmarried than to burn (1 Cor 7:9)! O how absurd and oppressive it is to disallow sex in marriage! Such restriction is likely significantly worse than totally disallowing marriage! bW-29
Apostle Paul in 1 Cor 5 2-5 clearly taught that husbands and wives should not defraud each other of sexual fulfillment unless done with mutual consent and for the sake of fasting. Paul encouraged couples after fasting from sex to resume normal sexual relations again lest they experience needless temptations. If sex is only to be had for reproductive purposes and is not to be a normal and often repeated experience in marriage, Paul clearly should not have encouraged mates to satisfy each other's sexual desires as he did, nor should he have told them that they should only refrain from sex for the sake of fasting and then again resume normal sexual relations lest they be needlessly tempted. Nor should Solomon have said, "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. {19} Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." (Prov 5:18-19). Those early writers that confined sex to reproduction were in error, not Solomon and Apostle Paul. bW-30
It is very true that the American society in our day is far too permissive with regards to sexual and moral issues. Such erroneous permissiveness is revealed in how our society allows sexually alluring exposures to be visible almost everywhere and quite freely allows sex outside of marriage. Yet our American society in the past has been quite opposite of this. In times past the American society was very restrictive with sexual matters, possibly even being influenced by the erroneous attitude which counted sex even in marriage as a shameful animal like relation which is barely allowable for love and affection. Ed Wheat writes, "the sale of condoms for contraceptive use was outlawed on moral ground by most state legislature beginning in 1868 and by Congress in 1873. More than two hundred cities also passed anti condom laws. Many of these went beyond banning the sale of condom for contraception; they even make it a criminal offense for one person to inform another that using a condom might prevent pregnancy". Note the Catholic Church with her anti marriage theology (which disallows marriage for her leaders), and laws against contraceptive methods (which laws continue to this day), might have had significant influence in the early American society and in the making of the above laws. bW-31
If Christians feel humiliated and ashamed to speak about sexual things to those they know well and have confidence in, it is very possible they have an erroneous negative attitude about sexual things, and do not realize how our good God has created sex (in it's proper order), as a good thing and a relation of honor rather than a relation of shame (Heb 13:4). Because of parents and leaders being both timid and mistaken about sexual matters, many new Christian couples have not only been uniformed about sexual matters but many have been misinformed as well. Both the uniformed and misinformed couple, have missed many blessings and encountered many needless difficulties and temptations. bW-32
The church or Christian may frown on and condemn the world because of their many erroneous marriages and many sexual errors, which truly are sad. Yet how many Christian marriages are needlessly troubled and are missing what God intended for them because of Christian couples being uninformed or misinformed about sexual things? Too much of the world's erroneous sexual behaviour is a direct result of those who count themselves Christians not informing or misinforming humanity about God's real sexual plan. The erroneous sexual behaviour among the Catholic Priests is likely only a small portion of the sexual problems generated in our world because of Christians not understanding God's good sexual plan. How many in our world because of wrongly being taught God is anti sex, were moved to turn anti God and to lightly esteemed all His laws? O how sad! bW-33
If a newly married couple is not given a proper and meaningful sexual education they are not given a fair chance to experience the important bonding and oneness that God intended for man and wife in creation. The after wedding vacation, as Ed Wheat teaches, rather than consisting of a busy trip of going places and trying to do this and that, should be a relaxed and undisturbed time of being together, while focusing on one another, learning to know each other, and learning to love and satisfy one another physically and sexually. Yet Joe and Sally on their after wedding vacation had little thought about needing to learn anything about sexual things, and spent most of their time going her and there. Joe and Sally missed bonding they way they should have from the very beginning and for years missed experiencing that oneness and blessing that God intended for them. If couples experience proper sexual bonding it very much helps them bond in other areas of life. Although some say ignorance is bliss, ignorance is far from bliss in sexual matters! Oh the many blessings many couples have missed, and for many years, because of being uninformed or misinformed about sexual things! bW-34
The marital love and sexual relation is a very special and vital relation that God has designed for the happiness and well being of humanity. God's marriage and sex laws are like walls given to protect and preserve this blessed and important relation. It is very sad that many Christians teach only about God's sex walls and laws, and then do not even teach their couples how to properly experience and enjoy the wondrous relation that these walls and laws are trying to preserve and protect! bW-35
May those couples who because of ignorance in the past, missed many blessings and endured needless difficulties, not only grieve about the past but rather thank God that the future can be different! The object of this article is not to make couples discontent with their sex life, but rather is to help couples find and experience God's good marriage and sexual plan, and especially help those husbands and couples who might be struggling and unsatisfied with their sexual experience. May we not quench our own blessing as well as our partners. May we educate ourselves and our married children so what God has designed for us and them can be experienced. Farewell. bW-36
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